Strange things have been happening to me ever since I voted for Britain to leave the European Union.
I went to the doctor, this morning, and explained that ever since early last Friday (the morning after the Referendum) I’ve been feeling a bit, you know, off colour, not really myself. It’s as if someone sneaked into my bedroom while I was asleep, syphoned the real me out (by means of a plastic pipe and a bucket) and replaced me with someone else.
The doctor confirmed it. He told me I wasn’t myself at all. It seems the real Me has been replaced by a xenophobic, misogynistic, fascist, racist bastard.
So, this is a plea for help really. If anyone sees a pathetic, bodiless blob of pink stuff slithering about muttering pathetically, “I don’t rightly know which way to go” and “In or Out, it’ll be a disaster,” please, I beg you, return Me to me immediately.
Oh shit, better go, the bastard’s back . . .