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I met god the other day

I was wandering about town and stumbled upon an old feller sitting on a bench at a bus stop. “Hello,” I said. “Hello,” he said, “I’m God, how do you do.”

“Well that’s interesting,” I said, “I was just thinking about you.” And, not wishing to appear rude, I gently asked if he could prove it.

“Indeed I can,” he said, “what would you have me do?”

“Well, if you are God you know everything about everything, so let’s start with something easy. How about you tell me what I’ll do next.”

God looked at me sideways from beneath his bushy eyebrows. I have to admit, he looked a bit pissed off, “How the hell should I know, you’ve got free will haven’t you? I gave it to you for Christ’s sake!”

“Fair enough,” I said. I was in no hurry and was prepared to cut him some slack, “so what can I get you to do that’ll prove you exist?”

He pondered for a minute, then said, “There is one thing which as far as I know will prove I exist.”

“Oh yes, and what’s that pray?”

“You could ask me to tell you that I don’t exist.” He got to his feet, rather unsteadily I thought, and stepped up to the kerb.

“Oh, that’s deep,” I said, “God telling me there is no God,” I spoke to his back as he peered up and down the road, presumably checking to see if the bus was coming. “Yes,” he said, scratching his stubbly chin.”I am saying it will prove the all-seeing, all-knowing everlasting God you think I am, does not exist.”

“You’re telling me the only way you can prove you exist is to declare that you don’t. Is that it? Is that the only way?”

“Off the top of my head, it’s the only thing I can think of,” he said stepping off the pavement and into the road. “Me, God, who stands before you now clearly existing, telling you that I do not in fact exist proves that I, in this precise moment, actually do exist. Simple really.” His last words were drowned by a squeal of brakes and a sickening thud.

The old feller was killed by a white van that came out of nowhere. At the time of the accident, the driver was speaking angrily to the Child Support Agency on her mobile phone.

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©Rivenrod 2016

Picture: Jon Cooper

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