God takes the rap

According to Matthew 1:18-25 Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be with child by God’s Holy Spirit.

But, all was not as it seemed. Here inscribed is the conversation between God and Gabriel, as it was reported to me by a very reliable source indeed.

Gabriel: It was only supposed to be a bit of fun.
God: I’ve told you more times than I can remember . . . BEWARE TEMPTATION OF EARTHLY FLESH!
Gabriel: But, how could I resist? Mary has such amazing flesh! Look at those curves!
God: Yes Gabriel, she is very lovely. If one’s flesh was mortal, one could envisage how it might be really rather agreeable to bury one’s face amongst certain parts of her anatomy, but . . .
Gabriel: She’s so soft and sweet and warm and those little dimples on her bum oh, and her tummy is so, so . . .
God: . . . so very, very pregnant.
A SHOCKED AND DEATHLY SILENCE

Gabriel: Oh God, woe is me, I am so dead. So very, very DEAD!
God: No, not yet you’re not but when Ella (Gabriella, Gabriel’s wife) finds out, she will kill you, of that I have no doubt.
Gabriel: When she finds out! Oh God, thousands of years of marriage down the pan. What can I do? I shall fly far, far away. No, I shall turn in my wings and live under a stone for all eternity. No, I shall disguise myself as a worm and slither about on the surface of the earth. Oh God, can’t you just make me disappear?
God: I could, of course, but I won’t. Who would do my bidding and apparitioning? Who would do all the Cherubim and Seraphim type stuff? No-one can mop up after a great pestilence as well as you can and anyway, I would be lonely . . .
Gabriel: Oh God, I am so sorry. I’ve let you down, but what else can I do, I can’t stay around here, she’s going to kill me. My life in heaven will be hell! No, no, there’s only one thing for it, I have to go away. Far, far away.

God thought for a second or two and then said,

God: I’ll tell you what, I’ll take the rap for you.

. . . and ‘lo, the ever-magnanimous God took the blame, Gabriel’s bacon was saved and Gabriella never found out (until now, of course).

© Rod McRiven 2020

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