According to Matthew 1:18-25 Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be with child by God’s Holy Spirit. But, I have it on good authority that all was not as it seemed.
Gabriel: It was only supposed to be a bit of fun
God: I’ve told you more times than I can remember . . . BEWARE THE TEMPTATION OF EARTHLY FLESH!
Gabriel: But, how could I resist? Mary has such amazing flesh! Look at those curves . . .
God: Yes Gabriel, she is very lovely. If one’s flesh was mortal, one could envisage how it might be agreeable to bury one’s face amongst certain parts of her anatomy, but . . .
Gabriel: She’s so soft and sweet and warm and those little dimples on her bum oh, and her tummy is so, so . . .
God: . . . so very pregnant.
A SHOCKED AND DEATHLY SILENCE
Gabriel: Oh God, woe is me, I am so dead. So very, very DEAD!
God: No, not yet you’re not but when Ella (Gabriel’s wife) finds out, she will kill you, of that I have no doubt.
Gabriel: When she finds out! Oh God, thousands of years of marriage down the pan. What can I do? I shall fly far, far away. No, I shall turn in my wings and live under a stone for all eternity. No, I shall disguise myself as a worm and slither about on the surface of the earth. Oh God, can’t you just make me disappear?
God: I could, of course, but I won’t. Who would do my bidding and apparitioning? Who would do all the Cherubim and Seraphim type stuff? No-one can mop up after a great pestilence as well as you can and anyway, I would be lonely . . .
Gabriel: Oh God, I am so sorry. I’ve let you down, but what else can I do, I can’t stay around here, she’s going to kill me. My life in heaven would be hell! No, no, there’s only one thing for it, I have to go away. Far, far away.
God thought for a second or two and then said,
God: I’ll tell you what, I shall take the rap for you.
. . . and ‘lo, the ever-magnanimous God took the blame, Gabriel’s bacon was saved and Gabriella never found out (until now, of course!).
A compelling and provocative novel by Rod McRiven: Swell